he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
