I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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