You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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