my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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