Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
