Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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