It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
