She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
