Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
