I wish I could punch you in the face.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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