Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
