first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
