i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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