i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
as a side note pls kill me
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