all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
