i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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