It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
