Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
