Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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