she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so let's talk penis.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
