I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
