i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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