i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
