Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
