the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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