I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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