How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize