can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
