my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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