masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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