YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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