I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
