if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You did what with his pubic hair?
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