I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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