if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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