I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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