a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
