I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
