ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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