I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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