I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
