They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
