3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
