Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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