White coat. Heels.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
