and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
