margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
