I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
