I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
