Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
