I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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