thus making me awesome and them whores
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
