He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
