She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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