Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
