So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
