we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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