Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
