I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
