Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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