New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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