I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
