i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize