you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
