we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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