could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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