hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
