So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
