On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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