If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
